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Feisty Flies are a group of friends with a crazy amount of wild stories, this blog is mostly from my POV. Living in NEW YORK CITY has given me a unique prospective on the joys of life as I imbibe top shelf liquors, host top tier parties, review alcohols, go to bars all over, have adventures, enjoy craft beers, travel all over the world, and tell you all about it. It’s your opportunity for some fun & exciting vicarious experiences.

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Flawnomenon (Flaw-nom-e-non): Embracing Your Flaws & Gaining Confidence By: Darina Parker

Originally posted on The Feisty Life:

I watched a video clip on procrastination-book, I mean Facebook. It was a clip of a child being filmed by whom I’m assuming is her mother. The mother asks the little girl what happened to her at school that day and the little girl with a smile answers,

“A little boy said I-“

She hesitates and her demeanor changes from glee to dejection.

She bravely continued, “I look ugly…”

At this point in the clip I was ready to find this little boy and dropkick him in the neck, because this little girl is the embodiment of cuteness wrapped in a blanket of preciousness.

The mother then asks the little girl what her response was. Just by the way the little girl perked up, you knew it was going to be good! She sat straight up and delivered a retort that made me want to throw her a birthday party…

View original 1,350 more words

Flawnomenon (Flaw-nom-e-non): Embracing Your Flaws & Gaining Confidence By: Darina Parker

I watched a video clip on procrastination-book, I mean Facebook. It was a clip of a child being filmed by whom I’m assuming is her mother. The mother asks the little girl what happened to her at school that day and the little girl with a smile answers,

“A little boy said I-“

She hesitates and her demeanor changes from glee to dejection.

She bravely continued, “I look ugly…”

At this point in the clip I was ready to find this little boy and dropkick him in the neck, because this little girl is the embodiment of cuteness wrapped in a blanket of preciousness.

The mother then asks the little girl what her response was. Just by the way the little girl perked up, you knew it was going to be good! She sat straight up and delivered a retort that made me want to throw her a birthday party everyday until her actual birthday. She said,

“I said I didn’t come here to make a fashion statement, I came here to learn!” she pridefully continues, “and the little boy said I look bad and I said did you look in the mirror lately?”

This is a *drops the mic* moment.

You do remember this is a four year old girl in pre-school, right? Because, I did a ‘Z’ snap and a slow clap for how well she handled herself. You too momma, you are raising her right!

I’m 30 years old and I wouldn’t have answered with such confidence. I would have probably scoffed or did a Fresh Prince-esque sharp inhale. Throw in a couple of “woo’s!” in there and then walked away. I’m not saying I think I’m ugly, oh no quite the opposite, but to be demeaned by a member of my peers would cause me pause. What about me is ugly? Is he referring to my hair being unkempt? That my physique too masculine? Do my feet stink? Most likely, it’s none of those things, or all of those things, but let’s backpedal, we just learned what self-doubts I have.

The little girl responded with confidence and authority. I said nothing to defend myself and on top of that, I questioned myself. Revealing what I believe my flaws to be. Well, to be sure let’s define a flaw. Dictionary.com (because I don’t think books exist anymore) defines a flaw as:

‘A feature that mars the perfection of something, defect, default.’

A defect? A default? A damn shame is what it is! A flaw isn’t assigned to you at birth. There’s no little half dressed floating flaw giving fairy dolling out defects to whoever he deems.

What are some typical insecurities people harbor and suppress?

The few you just thought of are the ones that you harbor about yourself, but you’re not alone. Unsatisfactory appearance, too much/not enough of masculinity/femininity, sexuality, fear of failure, fear of the possibility of an unfavorable outcome, do you realize the last one is one that’s solely based off your own creation? Nothing has even happened yet, however it stifles us still. Then instead of being in security blankets we hide our vulnerabilities in what I like to call the insecurity blanket.

And it’s not your fault, well maybe not before, but now that you’re aware of it, you’re now responsible for how you conduct yourself from here on out, right after this. This, is something that is rampant in the lifestyle of the famous and the rich. In order to protect their psyche and riches they must maintain a facade at all times. Can you imagine having to spend time with people you despise day in and day out because you don’t know how to trust or socialize with others? You do? Then you need to keep reading.

Modeling a lifestyle after people who aren’t connected with themselves, is akin to building a city on the exact path of swirling weather phenomena, oh right. It’s senseless! How are you to learn from someone who doesn’t know? I digress, not all the blame is to be put on others there’s also the roles parents play in how they raised you, what experiences you had to deal with, and comparisons to family members, popular kids, those who excel where you want etc… But this is about how you deal with your own flaws. If there’s one thing we learned from George A. Romero films it’s that burying something deep down and ignoring it doesn’t mean it won’t rear it’s ugly head at the most inopportune moment and they will eat you alive.

So, what’s the first step in this inner selfie assessment? Figure out what you don’t like about yourself. I don’t mean look in a mirror and start circling places that can be nipped & tucked. I mean who you are, the essences that synthesize to make you, you. Are you a liar? Do you perceive yourself to be a failure? Apathetic? Maybe, your sensitive because you feel like you made a bad choice in your past and now you’re stuck with no clue how to correct it?

Because I’m so cool I will share what I came up with when I did this. I started to think about things I didn’t like about me, not what I thought other people didn’t like, but what do I dislike about me? Because I’m the only person who has to spend an eternity with me. I professed that I procrastinate too often, that I will play the role of the victim during a confrontation, I didn’t like that I felt ashamed for having romantic feelings towards a woman when I’m supposed to like boys, I’m lazy, that I would allow myself to be taken advantaged of by others, basically I didn’t like that I was allowing external influence dictate my internal struggle.

Then I went about recognizing my strengths, my abs are number one for sure, no! No visible attributes only things that are in your heart at your core. For me it was my affinity for adventure, nonjudgmental demeanor, my understanding and accepting of others, I’m intellect, my capacity to love, my wit, I’m open minded and etc… I use the traits I like about myself to begin building the foundation of my confidence. Think of it as if you began weight lifting, you wouldn’t jump to the highest weight amount first. No, you start little and become stronger and stronger as you go.

Now read or recall what you listed as your flaws. Think about when you present yourself to a person or a group of people. How do you appear? These are the things you subconsciously suppress without realizing they’ve already been controlling your actions and decisions. When you do realize your buried burdens bubbling beyond your control that’s when your defense mechanisms kick in and you become spiteful, insincere, reactive instead of interactive, nervous, self-deprecating and point fingers at everyone else for your unsuccessful attempt. It’s like when you’re really worried something bad will happen and then something bad happens. That’s because it was already happening in your mind and you’ve been heading for it all night. Then you blame it on other people and if you never have to take responsibility for your behavior then how are you to be expected to change it?

Own it. Stare the beast in the face and ask it if it saw itself in a mirror lately. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, want better for yourself. Take responsibility for your decisions & mistakes and give yourself a second chance. Hiding behind the guise of scapegoating or ignoring only makes you weaker. I’m 100 times happier, much more mentally attuned, I have a boyfriend I love and adore and he treats me like the incredible person I am. Everyday, I am thankful for my blessings and my awakening.

It’s funny how our society implies that pain should be avoided and we should only embrace the good. If you broke both of your legs would you only get a cast on one leg and expect them to both heal? And if people continue to have an issue then send them this link so they can re-assess their pompous proclivities.

Hopefully, you were able to gain some insight from this personal account of how I dealt with my flawnomenon situation and how now I’m the coolest person I know. I was sick of feeling inferior and didn’t want to feel that way for the duration of my life. Life, is simply one perpetual lesson after another even from your death a lesson can be construed, but like the little girl said, “I didn’t come here to be fashionable” No, I’m here to be the best me I can be.

Any questions, comments, typos, or anything please let me know in the comments below. Having very recently gone through this on a personal level, I promise you two things: It’s not an easy task, but you will be much better off once you start treating yourself better.

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GUEST BLOGGER: Cole Millen on Eating Healthy and Living Active While on Vacation

Eating Healthy and Living Active While on Vacation, by Cole Millen

Reach Cole at: Colemillen@gmail.com

Planning your travel arrangements and vacation carefully can make the your new healthy lifestyle incredibly rewarding.  Not all vacations and trips on airplanes have to be wrought with paying too much for food that is neither tasty nor nourishing.  Below is a guide on how to maintain your standards for healthy eating and an active lifestyle from the moment you leave the house to when you return from your trip excited about all you experienced, including the local nutritious cuisine.

Taking the Airport Experience into Your Own Hands

Your own healthy snacks should always be included in part of what you pack.  Eat before you head to the airport, and have snacks on you so you are not tempted to order from one of the over-priced airport restaurants.  These can include carrot sticks, dried apples, raisins, nuts, wrap sandwich’s stuffed with natural turkey breast, purple onions and arugula, and the vast array of organic, natural and raw energy bars by brands such as Lara bar and Cliff.  You can buy frozen burritos at your local grocery store, heat them and wrap them in tin foil before you leave so that it will be slightly warm by the time you’re ready to eat it hours later.  If you choose to order a meal at the airport, skip the fast food joints and head straight to one of the bistros or higher end establishments.  Ask to see a menu.  Most places will have soups and salads that are the perfect amount of food to ensure you don’t get too full.

Choosing Your Hotel

Finding a hotel that will allow you to maintain your healthy lifestyle while you are away from home is one of the most important aspects of a healthy vacation. It is extremely important to ensure that the hotel you choose not only has the appropriate luxuries and offerings for you to stay healthy, but it is also pivotal to ensure that you are in an area that will allow you to do so as well. I have found that a little research goes a long way in this aspect. My most recent trip was to Sin city and I found a great site that listed reviews for hotels in Las Vegas regarding not only their specific amenities and services but also regarding the restaurants in the surrounding area. This made it easier than ever to stay healthy both in and out of my hotel!

Eating Out

Jump onto the Internet in your hotel and look up the menu for several restaurants you are considering before heading out the door. Sometimes the most recommended restaurants are very unhealthy choices. By reviewing the menu ahead of time you can look for the word clues that can shed light on what your true healthy options are, if any. Fried foods are definitely something to be avoided. The word fried may not be used in an entree description. Instead,words like battered, breaded and crunchy may be the tip you need to stay away. Other descriptive words that often mean trouble are rich, creamy, decadent, and buttery.

Once you find a great place to dine, eat a little healthy snack like an apple before heading to the restaurant. This prevents you from gobbling up the bread they bring out before the meal. A snack before your meal will also discourage ordering a fattening appetizer.

While it is impossible to control your environment when traveling, being prepared for these differences can keep you on the right track. The key is to never let yourself get too hungry so that you eat whatever is available in a pinch, which is usually unhealthy fast food. Carrying healthy snacks and water helps. Checking restaurant menus ahead of time also makes practical sense.

See your trip as opportunity to successfully test the fortitude of your positive lifestyle choices.  Almost all major U.S. cities enjoy a thriving healthy, active lifestyle sub-culture for those who know how to find it.  Enjoy discovering it!



Differences are Not Deficiencies

Differences are Not Deficiencies.


Check out another great write-up, where I make an appearance. Finally, my inquisitive nature sated with useful and well thought out information.


Also, I loved the part about comparisons. I recently had a late night revelation that I’d been comparing myself to people my entire life and that simple unknown act has been the thing holding me back. Well, no more comparing myself. I’m going to be the best me I can be, despite what others are or have done before.

The Morning After the Night Before: Alcohol & Sleeping

Alcohol and sleeping… or the lack thereof. How many times have you gone out the night before and the next morning you wake up early? Or you feel groggy the next day (even if you went to bed at a decent hour)? I have. I figured I’d do some research and do us all a favor and get to the bottom of this bottle.

First: Let’s discuss grogginess….

You know what it is. That feeling you get when your body and your brain are 5 steps behind your intentions. It’s always too bright, too loud, too cold, too hot, just too much.

The way we get rejuvenating rest is in the nature of how we fall asleep. Not only does alcohol dehydrate us from the toxins literally pulling the hydrating resources from our body, but we’re up periodically through the night due to nausea or trips to the bathroom. Then there’s how we actually sleep. Sleep occurs in 3 stages. Melanin is released and we feel tired, then we we fall in to light sleep or REM sleep. Once we pass through REM sleep, we go in a deep sleep. When we drink REM is skipped and we go directly from tired to deep sleep. This is detrimental to deep sleep cycle because that’s when the body restores itself, but since the alcohol is interrupting the process you are now going from deep sleep to REM, essentially working backwards. Which brings me to the next issue…

Late to bed early to rise, why? Well here’s the deal. Remember a second ago when I said we essentially move backwards from a deep sleep to a light sleep? Well, it’s a lot easier to wake up when you’re in a light sleep stage, this is why you find yourself awake earlier than usual most times. When you drink excessively then go straight into deep sleep you are literally reversing the process so the entire time you’re asleep while drunk you are essentially waking up the whole time. Wild eh?

It also causes unsettling dreams. While you may not remember them, but if you do they’re usually not restful dreams. But hey, I always have weird dreams… even when I’m sober (yes it happens, but not too often ;P)

On a side note, if you do find yourself not being able to sleep, don’t go rifling through your medicine cabinet trying to find a sleeping pill or any other sleep inducing drug. The reason for that is alcohol and sleep aids are both depressants and slow down your breathing. When you take these two together they act as a powerhouse and it is possible to slip into a coma while you’re sleeping. Forget being late for work… you’re going to be late for life…

Speaking of comas… a way more serious form of deep sleep, there are a lot of things that happen during the deep sleep phase of your circadian cycle. One I’m sure you’re all too familiar with is snoring.

Alcohol is a depressant, therefore a relaxer. It relaxes your mind, your morals ;) , and your muscles. Muscles like the ones in your neck and throat, narrowing the passage causing an obstacle for air to get through. The louder the snore the harder it is for the air to get through.

It doesn’t stop at just the muscles in your neck being relaxed, alcohol also relaxes the muscles in your bladder, leading to… yup you guessed it you’ll end up like this dude. You can also vomit in your sleep so try not to pass out on your back or you might choke, you may also sleepwalk, or sleep-fart, and all types of other embarrassing things.

The upside to all of this is you had an awesome night (I hope) and since alcohol causes insomnia you may not sleep and will avoid snore-peeing your pants!! CHEERS!!

Hope that helps!

Living Healthy

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I could post. I didn’t have much of an idea, but there has been a concept continually racketing around in my head and that’s health. Not health in the medical sense, per say, but health in a healthy way of living way.

Now, I know what you’re thinking… the way I drink, what would I know about living healthy? Well, first I know that my assuming that you’re judging me is not a healthy way of living.

Assumptions put me down and don’t aid in helping me maintain a positive attitude about myself which leads to me not having a positive outlook on the world and even though the world is easily navigated through negative eyes and filtered through a hardened heart, doesn’t mean that’s how it should be.

Keeping that in mind it doesn’t mean that we have to constantly be optimistic and accepting of all things troublesome. That would be, dare I say, inane. What it means is we need to learn to filter out the things that cause us pause and learn to factor in the things that keep us better off. Let’s be honest, you can’t control everything in the world, but you can control what you allow to affect your world.

Cynicism (derived from the word Cynic), can be our greatest ally and and our weakest attribute. Maintinning such a view of the world, all day every day takes more of a toll than we realize. It causes mental anguish, which leads to stress, which leads to aggressiveness whether it be passive or active, that leads to health (medical) problems, which leads to financial woes, and you get the picture. Simply by changing your outlook, the lenses you view the world through you will find relief and happiness. I don’t mean blind happiness or ignorance or denial, but well informed well thought out happiness.

This is not an easy task. It was a transition I made a few months back and I am still working on it. People think the hardest thing to do is change another person when in fact, it’s changing yourself, but once you do you will be better off.

I’ve linked a few articles I find helpful and informative.

– Being Positive On Twitter: An article about the benefits of positivity on social networks

– Suckers for Joy: An article about finding happiness in the little things

-What Good Is Positivity: An article about finding the positive things in your life

– Creating Pathways to Resilient: An article about using your strengths & weaknesses

Now those are all opinions, albeit, educated opinions, but thoughts of others none-the-less. The point is to read their thoughts and start to generate your own, even if you disagree at least you’ll be thinking about it and that’s the first step.


Drinking Etiquette: The Rules of Booze

There are a lot of things I notice going out to bars, restaurants, clubs, etc… like how the people are dressed which usually directly correlates with how much the drinks cost, the available seating, music, and the types of specials the bars have.

I think mostly about the etiquette of drinking. Just because you plan on loosening up doesn’t mean there aren’t rules to be followed. Let’s start with the more well known rules.

  • Tip at least $1 per drink… any less is insulting. And don’t leave change that’s just embarrassing. If you can’t tip with cash, don’t tip at all.
  • If your out with someone for their birthday and they drink, buy them a drink
  • If you’re at a crowded bar with other people and you’re the only one who manages to get a space at the bar, know what everybody wants so you can all order at once. Saves time for you guys and the bartender.
  • Know what you want. The bartender has every right to move on to the next person if you can’t answer within 3 seconds.
  • If you’re going round-for-round and you know you won’t be able to afford it… don’t do it!
  • If you know you can’t do shots, or chug a beer, or tequila makes you sick/crazy… don’t drink it.
  • TIP at least $1 per drink… did I mention that already? Hmm must be important.

Okay here’s where we begin to get in to the nitty gritty. The grimy specifics. The things you don’t want to hear.

  • DO NOT EXPECT PEOPLE TO BUY YOUR DRINKS. If they do, plan on returning the favor in one way or another.
  • When someone offers to buy you a drink seldom should you turn them down. Free drinks are great!
  • NEVER offer to buy someone a drink/shot and 20 minutes later you leave without having purchased said drink/shot. DOUCHE ALERT!
  • If you have no business standing at the bar and you’ve already gotten your drink, move. There are other people trying to get their drink on.
  • When you buy a shot for a friend and yourself, but you guys are with other close friends, buy a shot for everyone. It’s just courteous especially if the shots are on happy hour. Unless there’s an understanding among the group.
  • Respect the decorum which you are in. At a bar have some drinks, at a dance club dance, etc…
  • If you have a long complicated name… don’t tell me in a loud complicated bar. You have a nickname everybody does. Otherwise, I will give you one.
  • If you didn’t tell me your name don’t expect me to know it.
  • If you invite someone out for a drink at random, you buy their first drink.
  • If you’re visiting a friend out of town and and you go out, you buy them a drink.
  • If you have a visiting friend from out of town and you go out you buy them a drink.
  • When you invite a friend out and you know they don’t have a lot of money, have the expectation that you will be paying for some drinks. You don’t have to do it, but if you want them there and want them to have fun… it’s a must.
  • When you have friends over and you have alcohol in the house offer them some, especially if you are already partaking. It’s called being hospitable.
  • If you turn in to a raging Hulk-bitch-horrible person when you drink… don’t… you know who you are. Or don’t drink with your friends… if you have any.
  • At a certain age it just becomes petulant and ignorant to A) force a friend to drink more when they visibly can’t. B) Force them to do something they don’t feel comfortable doing. C) Pee your pants/Puke at the bar… c’mon people.

Now here’s some of my personal etiquette:

  • I’m always friendly to the patrons and the bartender. We’re all there for a good time.
  • It’s my goal to make the most of the night at all times, but if some people want to go home for whatever reason it’s fine. Unless, they’re going home to be sad… that’s a no no.
  • I do my best to remember the bartender’s name.
  • When I’m sitting at a large booth with maybe one or two friends and see people looking for seats… I share.
  • When I’m sitting at the bar alone (it happens) with an empty seat next to me and I see two people who need seats and there are no more I will get up.
  • I do my best to not get upset at the bartender when something doesn’t go my way. They aren’t purposely trying to hurt me.

Now, I’m not trying to seem braggadocio, because I’ve been tossed out of numerous bars, cussed out numerous bartenders and doormen, I’ve broken glass, danced on tables, spilled all over, and so on and so forth, but I didn’t stay that way. I got better everyday that’s not only drinking etiquette that’s life’s secret.


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Calories in Beer VS. Liquor

Beer or liquor? One is quicker and the other will make you thicker. Whiskey will make you tipsy, but how much until you tip right over… that is from a caloric standpoint, not from intoxication.

Sure, one beer won’t give you love handles; neither will two or three… in a week or so, but when you’re imbibing one after the other after the other after the other after… wait how did I get home? Those calories add up and every year after your 18th birthday your metabolism gets slower and slower (if you don’t lead an active lifestyle). The caloric intake is dependent on the type of beer or liquor you’re drinking. The rule of thumb is the darker/the higher the ABV (alcohol by volume) the more calories because of the high sugar content, that goes for liquor and beer. Below are two links, one for beer calories and one for liquor calories, check them out and find out how much you’ve put away in a night. Below that is a quick reference chart. (Fun fact 3500 calories = 1 pound)

Beer Calories -HERE       Liquor Calories – HERE      Online Calculator

Below is a quick chart, if you will, not as specific as the ones above. Taken from http://www.barnonedrinks.com/tips/reference/calorie_counter.html

Category or Alcohol (ABV%) Calories per Ounce
Wine – Red or White (12) 23 cal.
Champagne (12.5%) 26 cal.
American Beer (non-micro: 4.5%) 12 cal.
Liqueurs (17-24%) 86-105 cal.
80 proof Liquor (40%) 65 cal.
86 proof Liquor (43%) 70 cal.
90 proof Liquor (45%) 74 cal.
Malibu Rum 68 cal.
Sweet Sherry 43 cal.
Medium Sherry 37 cal.
Dry Sherry 37 cal.
Drambuie 61 cal.
Southern Comfort 61 cal.
Tia Maria 52 cal.
Pernod 47 cal.
Champagne 42 cal.
90 proof Liquor (45%) 74 cal.
Port 53 cal.

So… now that you know, how’s you’re night going to change? Or how’s your diet plan going to be rearranged?? Or don’t you care? Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it… right?