LAUGH★LEARN★LIV #BeLikeD ★★★★★★★ ☯ ★★★★★★★

♥Adventure ♥f Self Disc♥very♥    ★★★★★★★ ☯ ★★★★★★★

Cogito ergo sum. I think therefore I am. Align your thoughts with your heart & revel in your vast power.      ★  Twitter   


Thrilling, terrifying, repudiating, captivating, isolating, invigorating, strengthening, describes the experience of self excavating

Reveal & face blemishes and shortcomings you’ve been burying to fit in with the masses.

Urge to dive deep will leading to internal revival.

External stimulation serves to inveigle.


Accept & See


From birth to dirt, we all crave one thing. One intangible ostensibly trivial desire. Cloaked in many aspects and expressions, for example, it may appear as the push for equality among a group, it could manifest in the form of the recognition of innocence, occurs when there’s an emptiness that needs to be filled resulting in zealous acts to garner attention using volume, body, attire, gossip, self-sacrificing congeniality, and so on… All of these “needs”  can be boiled down to the same answer, to the same want, all we ever truly desire… acceptance.

Acceptance, is the utmost important feeling we seek. From birth to last breath, we want to know that we are here for a purpose and we want to sate our incessant desires to achieve this purpose. The irony of acceptance is, it’s one of the only attributes we  only truly attain from within. Essentially, we will never feel accepted if we don’t accept ourselves.

Strangely enough we go out of our way acting as sycophants to those who pay us any mind. We cater to the people that reject us because if we can gain the love of another then we must be acceptable and therefore “worthy”.

In the process of searching for this validation we have the propensity to only give credence to the opinions of those who reflect our concept of who we are, want to be, or what we neglect and keep dormant. Acceptance from an external source is a wonderful way to gauge who/what we present ourselves as. The personality and persona we project in the world. Unfortunately, rarely are we what we appear to be. For example: The “cool guy” who acts reckless, remiss, and rapacious could be covering up his feelings of inadequacy, innocence, and infallibility. The “geeky guy” may adhere to their role because it’s safer than being alienated even more and at least it’s attention.

I would call it a fear of what may  or may not be. If we really take the time get know our true selves thus taking responsibility for our lives and discontinue blaming others, it is then we begin healing and revealing. Unfortunately, this isn’t an aspect that is focused on as we live. !e don’t know who we are so we rely on the assessment of others. It’s how we are trained. Fail a math class, you’re bad at math, fail a physical test you must be weak, fail in a relationship, you must be undesirable.

Why do we need external provocation to make us feel worthy? Do we live in such a system where no one feels like enough?

That’s exactly what it is. We are buried in systematic beliefs. Constructs serve to herd the masses in the general direction, a direction that appears to be one of progress. As it turns out, the more you strive & harder you push for “their” acceptance the more of yourself you risk losing. On a treadmill, you can run 1115 miles, but still be right where you started.

It’s time to begin looking within and learning who you are. Challenge yourself to accept yourself instead of relying on everyone except yourself.

Week After Weak

This entire last month a lot of growth has transpired within me. From being rudely and heartlessly forced from a couch after I was unable to find an apartment I could afford on my own all the way to finally understanding how to not allow other people to get under my skin or get in my head.

Without lamenting my various and likely superficial woes when there are truly life threatening and heart wrenching predicaments agonizing people throughout the world, I will say that this last month was a low period in my life. You would never have guessed if you weren’t close to me or if you weren’t an owner of one of the two couches I crashed on until I found my own place, but it has been rough for me.



Though the above which was originally intended to be posted on 04/29/2016, but out of respect for a “friendship” I did not post the entry. However, that “friendship” has long since ended and a valuable lesson was learned.

I’m not clear on the specifics that lead to the truncation of my and the other party’s friendship nor am I sure how her retaliatory actions escalated so quickly. One minute it was “shots for everyone!” the next it was “you’re an instigator! you’re full of yourself!” followed by more acerbic yet topical insults. Not to mention when once experiences a transition like the one I am experiencing now, those on a lower thought tier, blocked by societal mental gunk, will perceive the individual rising as self-absorbed.

Quick review, multiple times the other party, we’ll just call her Bacardi Barbie, has expressed verbally & sincerely how much she respects me, idolizes me, thinks I’m smart, essentially all the good. I then would express my gratitude for her positive compliments and I would return them wholeheartedly.

This is where it gets intriguing because Bacardi Barbie has on more than one occasion been chastised, humiliated, disrespected, and forsaken by people we know mutually and instead of verbally and blatantly attacking them she shares beers with them, parties with them, essentially lets them off the hook with no repercussions. Yet, I get completely erased and ignored. Me from 4 months ago would have retaliated vengefully. Me from 4 months ago would have been crushed. Me from 4 months ago is happy to be the Me of 4 months later.

What I recognized is she respects me, holding me in a position of power. I’d recently ended my friendship with Bacardi Barbie’s roommate because I felt ensnared in the friendship not to mention since Bacardi Barbie vociferously threw me out of her apt. the relationship was strained, but I had thought that was long since resolved. With that in mind it wasn’t long until I had the opportunity to make a choice whether to react without malice or to retaliate vehemently.

What did I do? I realized that the way she thought about me thrusts me out of her playing capabilities. I’m in the majors and she’s in the sandlots. I’m cultivating, succeeding, enjoying, and involving myself in all these gifts and she’s not. Coincidentally, the people who she repeatedly accepted after they wronged her did not have the fortune, intelligence, and abilities I posses, meaning they pose no threat, because she doesn’t respect them they’re just sandlot players too. No need to heed what they say, no need to postulate because they’re people she doesn’t feel threatened by meaning she will keep them around because she ultimately can feel better about the way she looks, where she works, what she drives, how she lives, than putting in the time & effort required to come play and succeed in my league.

What I’m getting at is I finally, after all my years on the planet, after all my experiences with similar situations, after all of everything I finally understand the motivation behind putting people down in order to feel better. It’s exactly that. I always understood the idea of it, but up until now I did not thoroughly grasp the concept. She had to lay in to me, she has no other options in her arsenal than acerbic banter. Especially, when it comes to blame, with no specific examples or quickly followed by another insult with no actual profound reasoning behind it, other than “you’re an instigator!” and it’s true, I have unbeknownst to myself instigated some pretty raucous behavior from people, but I would say it is more like evoke. Because, apparently, I caused her to jump down my throat while she projected her own insecurities and shortcomings on to me.

But I’m too strong, too intelligent, too enlightened, too honest and real with myself that I walked away from the experience unscathed, perhaps even better off because I was able to dissect and learn a valuable lesson. I don’t need to cavort with people who are either not attempting to be on my level nor learning to advance above my level. On that day she revealed more about who she is and how she regards herself and the people she associates with more than ever before. 4 months ago me would have been blinded by her contemptuous words, but me now saw right through her facade of power and in to the disparity of her spirit.

Hopefully, her new venture in life will provide her with the insight to use hindsight to propel her upwards out of the bottomless bottles and onward to the boundless power residing underneath & behind years of self-neglect.

I should know. I used to be the same way.

But I am constantly working on becoming the best me I can D.





When Credit Isn’t Given. Even When it’s Due

I have had a whirlwind of a last few weeks. Since, acquiring my basketball league, which has transformed me in to a person that wants to take responsibility for my actions, a person that needs to think twice before making decisions, a more responsible individual, all in all a better person. We’re only beginning our second season and since adopting the basketball league, I have never felt better. I finally understand people who say they like their pet or their kid. I must take care of, value, listen to, compromise, instruct, direct yet allow freedom, nurture, and respect my league so it can grow in to something beautiful. An auspicious endeavor to be sure.

I haven’t been as fortunate in my search to acquire an apartment that meets my requirements. These days it seems as though we have to accept so many follies in order to finagle some type of acceptable or ideal situation/outcome. The funny part of trying to find somewhere to live after you were left hanging at the last minute is all the exceptions you start to make. For Ex:


The toughest part isn’t even the moving part, but accruing the requisite amount of funds in order to move in. First month, deposit, securing a moving van, first month’s rent, and so much more. Who decided that was the way to go about living in an apartment? Who just has three grand laying around?

Not many people these days are having ease balancing life with… well anything. This is where the idea that more money will make things simpler, how do you get more money? Work more. Do less of what you enjoy. Doesn’t this exacerbate your current level of despondence inhibiting you from ascertaining the joys you find fulfilling thus creating internal and external dissonance? Basically, you’re stressed, depressed, and distressed to no end and there’s seldom a quick fix, that doesn’t involve medicating.

My advice, everyday do something that you enjoy no matter how small or intricate. Have that piece of candy/chocolate, take the scenic route home, watch that extra episode of your guilty pleasure. Indulge in something small or you’ll end up burying yourself under a mountain of repression and regret. Budget your money, say no to that friend that always needs and never gives, take public transportation to save on gas or carpool, buy drinks from the store instead going to that lonely expensive bar, spruce up your old jeans to that whole “vintage chic” look, which is totally in right now, make people come to you and make it BYOB, take an hour or so to do what you want as long as you benefit from it, and for once… leave the credit card at home… no seriously, leave it. Check out Credit Card Insider for more info regarding credit cards.

No, it won’t make your bank miraculously triple in amount, nor will your love life or career life become more auspicious immediately, but you will begin to change little by little. The positivity will become what changes you’re perception to creating a confidence in you that you will prevail and so much of the fight is won with happiness and belief within yourself and conquering those Goliath sized problems with your sling of positivity won’t seem so inundating or impossible after all.

Strength to Tackle the Weak

This last week was one for the books, hell for the whole damn library! It was a situation where everything would work out, but I didn’t know how, when, at what cost, and to what extent.

Accomplishing an insurmountable task while simultaneously enduring the duress of swallowing a heap of my pride and having to go at it alone, possible outcome being no longer having a place to call home.

It’s not like I was 100% tackling my untimely plight alone, at the last moment some people offered their assistance while others added only their negativity, depravity, and animosity with a few that just laughed. Most did nothing at all.

It was certainly enlightening. A tremendous learning experience. When you can’t rely on family, can’t turn to society, and the people who express their “adulation” only to their benefit don’t help you… to whom do you seek reassurance? There is only one…

One person who knows how lonely, afraid, and helpless you feel. One individual that needs you to rise up over the external and embrace the internal. One mind, one body, one soul, one heart truly invested in prevailing when staring in an abyss of uncertainty, while maintaining a cool, calm, collected demeanor exuding confidence.

Issues, will always arise. Situations, like friends, come and go. Obstacles, will continue to hinder.

Accountability, falls on you and you alone. It’s always going to be tough until it’s not. Equip yourself with knowledge. Prepare yourself with resilience and flexibility. Acquire, more than one favorable outcome while still focusing on achieving the main goal. Tackle, the biggest fear before the smallest worries distract and deplete. Attempt, with vigor and gusto. Approach, everything with the mentality of a warrior and greatness will embrace you.

Don’t listen to, don’t get dissuaded by, don’t rely on, and don’t revel in concerns of the vile impostors expending time & energy on justifying why they fail. Instead, of exulting on their success. 

Don’t listen to them. You’re on a level many will never advance nor comprehend. You must conduct yourself independently from the foibles, follies, and falsehoods that will be used to ensnare, obfuscate, & delineate you from your desires.

When demons speak, close your ears. When demons distract, focus on your path. When demons block your vision, find another way. When demons watch as you rise, be weary of their sycophantic claims of loyalty. And be clear about your intentions with them…



Basketball! Adult! League! Fun! Drinks!

That’s right! All that in the titular statement is truth! I now run a basketball league in HOLLYWOOD ( Who would have ever thought!? my two dreams come together… basketball and alcohol, it even kind of rhymes!


What: WAKA ( is a company that is more about fun than anything. Seriously, I did WAKAPALOOZA in Vegas this past Oct 2015 and I will never forget the amazingness it was! (I need to do a blog about that! Because YAAASSSS!!!)

Who: You! It’s Co-Ed! Guys & girls we all get to have the fun! 21 & up only! (sorry youngins) ALL SKILL LEVELS! This is more about the social than anything else! Come meet, greet, and release some steam! Not to mention many industry professionals play in these leagues so it’s a GREAT way to meet & network.

Whether you have a team or not, doesn’t matter… we accommodate all! All for fun and fun for all!

When: For this particular league (Basketball) it’s Wednesdays in Hollywood, starting March 16, but registration is open NOW!!

Where: Salvation Army on Hollywood Blvd & after the bball games we hit Outpost Hollywood where players and fans have WAKA drink & food specials for more fun & games! I mean who doesn’t want to have fun!

Why: Why in the EFF not?!

Basically, we sweat a bit, laugh a lot, and take some shots… both on the court and at the bar! I never heard of anything better! No, I really haven’t because I read a lot and you can’t really hear when you read in your head…


How My Sister’s Fight w/Autism Helped Win Two Tickets to O Magazine’s 10th Anniversary Celebration featuring Christina Aguilera at Radio City Music Hall & Helped Me Be A Better Human.

My sister is #winning… Thank sis xoxo
The year was 2010. The city was Manhattan. The rules were simple, explain why you deserve to be at O Magazine’s 10 year celebration.

It started as a random retweet on my timeline. I only clicked because Christina Aguilera was said to be there and I absolutely love her. It took me to a website that instructed me to explain why I deserved to go, but I didn’t follow the rules. I decided to write about why my little sister, who was 13 at the time except she was 18, you’ll understand momentarily.

I’d moved to NYC a year previous and was having daily celebrations of my own. One year later my mother thought it would be a good idea for my sister and I to move into an apartment while my little sister attended fashion school. I’ve always had a strained relationship with my sister because she annoyed me with her slow thought process and all her immature rhetoric, but I agreed to live with her anyway.

For years I’d chastised her actions, teased her for not being like me, express frustration with her incessantly annoying proclivities, and all the while doing it with no regard for her feelings nor her predicament. Turned out my sister suffered from autism and if that wasn’t enough also scoliosis. All these years I was treating her so awful. Granted, I didn’t know of her perilous plights, but I should’ve. I felt so ashamed of myself for the way I acted and I explained this in the plea for tickets. I divulged my reprehensible behavior, explained her situation and my chagrin for abandoning her when she needed her older sister the most, especially when her parents are over 500 miles away and I’m her only family, her only touchstone in a large, filthy, raucous, dangerous city (don’t get me wrong I love NYC). I wrote how the only thing my sister and I would connect on was our adoration for Christina Aguilera.

When my mother told me my sister felt lonely and wanted to return Michigan, where we’re from. I was mortified, I began to weep out of distress and embarrassment. My friends and my drunken blackouts were more important to me than accommodating my inundated little sister? That moment changed me for life. Dealing with someone with autism was going to be a true test of will and strength, but one that I was up for. It meant being a bit more patient with her, listening to her, allowing her to find sanctuary on her own terms and most of all letting her know that no matter what I will love her always and forever. My sister is such a beautiful and important person who is a musical prodigy and has the potential to be a world renowned fashion icon. I never once acknowledged those precious traits she possessed.

I went on to tell this story in the email for the tickets to the show and how I wanted to be better for her, stronger for her, there for her. I owed her memories of me that would make her smile when she saw me not cower and avoid me when I’m around. I told them how we bonded over the vocal prowess of Christina Aguilera and that was the single line of hope that kept us tethered to each other. How I would enjoy nothing more in the world than to watch her exuberance as she got to see Christina perform. Especially, since my sister had never been to a concert before, heck I don’t think she’d ever been to a performance of any sort at that point.

2 days later, I got an email saying that we were picked for tickets. When I told my sister the news she jumped up and down and hugged me, it was the first hug I could remember her initiating in years. It’s those moments when love becomes tangible yet immeasurable. We’d spent the days leading up to the celebration bonding over fashion, music, Oprah, everything. I found it highly unfortunate for me to have missed the possibilities to have built these memories for the last 18 years. On the day of the show she couldn’t stop buzzing with anticipation. We saw Oprah, got to see Christina interview and perform. My sister had never been happier in her life and that is all I could ever want for her.

From then on I didn’t think of my sister as having a disability of any sort, from then on she was my sister whom I love with all my soul and finally recognized that for years I was the one with the disability… I was suffering from the inability to see the magic within and all around her. She was never a burden, she was a gift and I was blessed enough to enjoy her presence.

Words That Could Be A Black Girl’s Name 1

My friends and I are too much. Just the right amount of too much though.

If these words weren’t words, they could easily be the name of a black girl

— Challenge (Shuh-lunj-jay)
Teacher: Is there a Challenge Jones here?
Challenge: Umm, excuse me it’s pronounced Shuh-lunj-jay

— Antiquity
Parent: I know you is not tryin’ to sneak out this house Antiquity!

— Tenacity
My name is Tenacity Patrice Jones Watkins and I do not answer to no man!

— Whimsy
Announcer: Next in our female circuit is Ms. Whimsy Jackson, daughter of Tyrell Darnell Jackson.

— Napkins
Manager: I’m sorry Napkins but we cannot give you a raise because your nails, and I quote, “need to done be did and on fleek errday”

— Panorama
Mother: Panorama if you do not get up them stairs and change them clothes you won’t see yo’ cell phone for a week!

— Prowess
Cousin: Prowess! Bring yo’self back here before I tell yo daddy where you ACTUALLY was on Friday night!

— Consistency
Oh (clap) you (clap) did (clap) not (clap) just (clap) dis (clap) respect (clap) me! I (am) Consistency Alexis Mercedes Jones and that is not how I roll!

— Aureola
Friend: Oh hellllll nawwwww Aureola! Girl you better get on with yo bad self! I see you!

— Kerosene (Kuh-raw-senay)
Teacher: Is there a… umm Kerosene present?
Kerosene: Excuse me? It’s Kuh-raw-senay, thank you!

— Insomnia
Student: Insomnia! Girl, do you ever sleep? Damn.

— Day (Dee-aye)
Nurse: Is there a Day Jenkins here?
Day- It’s pronounce Dee-ay and I’m right here all up in yo’ face

— Tawdry
Boyfriend: Baby, you know I love you Tawdry. None them other thots mean nothin’ you my only boo

— Barette
My name is Barette James and I don’t play no games! Okay!

— Opulence
Receptionist: Opulence, girl I’m gonna need you to fill these papers out so we can get you that child support, that man ain’t spending’ his money on nobody but you and that baby.

— Blessing
Judge Judy: Now, Blessing, I know your name, but I don’t know your game

— Chlorine
Friend: Chlorine, girl you better watch out who you is datin’ sleep with a dog you wake up with shit in the bed

— Facilities
Aunt: Facilities don’t make me get yo’ uncle over here, we ain’t afraid to spank you. Now, put them pants on your grandmother gave you! Out here lookin’ like a hoochi!

— Omniscience (Umm-nee-shay-cee)
Teacher: … uhh… Omniscience? Is there an Omniscience here?
Omniscience: It is pronounced Umm-nee-shay-cee, thank you! Or Shay for short.

— Sorcery
Uncle: You trying to do too much, Sorcery, wait until yo’ auntie find out what you is out here doin!

— Malaria
Father: Malaria, you is makin me sick girl! Now get back in this house!

— Emotion
Sister: How come you is always stealing my clothes Emotion!

— Camouflage
Maury: The results are in and Randell is not the father of your baby Camouflage!

— Marinara
Brother: Yo, Marinara! Stop datin’ my homies tho!

— Blonde (Bee-lon-day)
Teacher: Blonde….?
Blonde: Do I look like a Blonde to you? The name is Bee-lon-day, okay! Get it right!

— Ribbon
Oh she think she can just take my man and get away with it? Then she never met Ribbon Randalls and after today she will never forget!

— Rotsserie
Mom: Rotisserie, girl! Get yo self back downstairs and eat this dinner. I didn’t spend all my time and all yo daddy money so you could look at it!

— Attire (Atuhree)
Teacher: …. -_- … Attire
Attire: I though you was a teacher, but you can’t read? The name is At-tuh-ree

— Entendre
Teacher: *gulp* Entendre….??
Entendre: Here

— Dysplasia
Manager: Dysplasia, you can’t keep taking sick days because your and I quote “weave ain’t actin right”

— Hallucinate
Friend: Is Hallucinate ready to go? That girl be thinkin she got all the time in the world and I’m like a sister tryin to get to the club before 11 o’clock and that entry fee kick in

— Sciatica
Cousin: You so stupid Sciatica, that’s why you be buyin them knockoff Coogi pants, that Coochi brand

— Crochet (Crow-shay)
Teacher: Crochet?
Crochet: Yeah, but why you gotta say it with attitude?

— Divinity
Girl: Divinity you is the worse ouctchea!

— Almond
Husband: Now Almond you already know that one ain’t my son!

— Camera
Girl: You know Camera be out here thinking she all that and she ain’t nothin’ but a hot mess!
— Moment
Friend: ohhhhh child, you done messed up now Moment! You better get that weave out before it get teared out!

— Fallacy
Grandma- Fallacy, girl you know your momma ain’t raise you like that

— Edema
Neighbor: Here go them shoes you was asking about, don’t let Edema be wearin’ though… her feet is big.

— Rotisserie
Auntie: Rotisserie, you betta shut yo mouth before I shut it for you!

— Soliloquy
Girl: Ohhhh you done messed up!! Now Soliloquy!!! Whooooo!! Child!!! I’m bout to beat yo weave-wearin, make up needin, teeth needin, tow-up from the flow-up ass!! Hold m nails Hypochondria! This bitch bout to be finished!

— Vendetta
Teacher: Vedetta Darnell? Is there a Vendetta here?
Vendetta: Do I look missin’?