I seek of ye. Ye in need of me. Then suddenly I see. Your soul is retrieved. I search for those who need me. Whether atop a or below. I feel energy from the soul. Rejoice when I achieve my goal. A continuous responsibility. Searching for those deemed worthy. As time passes I become less earthly. Over looking those who seek me. I must act carefully & patiently. There are many entities trying to de-light me. I have the necessary arsenal to defeat their ruse. To trust my heart as proof. To use my light to see through. T know I am capable of seeing truth.
Home. It’s where the heart is…
I, lightworker, walk on light
the process repeats throughout time. Life, living, through many life times.
I have decided. I will not deny it. I am keeping the path lit. With my light, with my choice, with my heart full I can rejoice.
As of tonight, Dec 3, 2016 I request to be a conduit for the source. To lighten my soul and earn a light worker role. Purification of my being begins, ascension from a my current position. With a pure intention and discernment I am surrendering myself to the light, the creator, the source, the power, the true God of gods, I Darina Tanya Parker, hereby declare my essence, my soul, my spirit, my body, to Jesus Christ. May I be of help and save those are heart full. I open my heart to the spiritual influence and listen to the wisdom and welcome the blessing of being graced with the honor to be imbued by the ever omniscient & omnipotent true light. I trust the path I am to journey. The lighter I become the more of my path is revealed before me. I am now an option for the propagation of stronger population and neglect being hindered by distraction by exacerbation. I am no longer of my own self. I give my being, my essence, my life, my dedication to the one true source of power. I am ready to face my darkness, by way of recognizing my weaknesses. I will no longer, henceforth, fear or question or cower. I am right. I am night. I am light.
I am… here to collect, I am here to protect, I am here to accept…
Clarity confides in me daily, lately. This has led to perception of the facade donned by those who fear the most.
It’s abundant and consuming the myriads of sleepwalkers going through the facilitation of maintaining their facade. I’m not proclaiming to be better, above, or greater than any, but I am more aware of my facade and I am diligently working on tearing it down layer by layer.
Even as Sleepers attempt to engaged me in a frivolous discussion, though unbeknownst to them, I find I no longer harbor ill will, malice intention, need to be validated or deemed correct. Mostly, because I know I am. That’s one thing I’ve always possessed, but am only just now allowing to process.
Solipsism. That’s how we save the world. Right now the earth is a giant reflection of the contention caused from ignoring our true intentions in order to assuage that of others. Along the way we strayed so excruciatingly far from our strengths by falsifying our expressions for conception, resulting in the build up of inefficiency within our being and no way to nor an opportunity to express, so instead we’ve repressed, redressed, and finessed our shortcomings in to the perfect little pocket of forsake. Which has manifested in our current status of insurrection.
When I was maybe 14 or 16 earthly years of age I recall writing in my journal about a theory I contrived called “Mynets”. The “Mynets Theory” was the belief that no matter what choices or decisions a person made they would always have a “safety net” of their own creation to fall upon, resulting in no perceived consequences for their remiss & irascible intention is ever acknowledged or taken responsibility for. For example: if you possessed an unlimited supply of currency, what would stop you from making the most asinine purchase time & time again? Despite, being disappointed time after time, because you have the safety of the unlimited funds you would develop all types of beliefs and perceptions in support of repeated financial frivolity, never once recognizing the damage being done.
I mention the “Mynets Theory” because I, like then, am recognizing my “Mynets” but this time I have to face them. I won’t use the distractions of Mynets to assuage me. I want nothing, but the raw, painful, inundation, that comes with awakening. I’ve been given messages and secret Intel my whole life and I am now realizing it’s relevance. One thing I must focus on and work prudently towards is the acquisition of discernment without self-discouragement.
Steady as I go. Knowing that which fills me feels me. To know when I am being enlightened by the holy spirit and source of truth from being persuaded by the insidious and nefarious influences rife upon this domain.
As above, so below. That which is internal, expresses on the external. I know I’m right, now. I must continue on the right path, and ignore that which is left behind.
Enlightenment. In light I’m meant. I’m light within, light is my presence. I am meant to lead through the darkness not cower with fear. Responsible, for divine… there’s no more denying. My number is up. It’s my turn to shine. My time to accept the responsibility I’ve neglected through out time.
Educate, test, and prepare me. I’m not afraid, I’m ready.
Today I worked the LA Auto Show and though I was surrounded by cars, motorcycles etc etc.. I learned a lot more about something that held value much more…
I was conversing with one of the other booth bodies (what I have deemed the less than enthused, perfectly underused, showered in rules individuals behind the table informing various others about their assigned product) after a few moments an old, white-haired, gentleman wearing a brown tweed corduroy sport coat that was too large for his diminutive frail frame approached the two of us and not only expressed how shitty the Bike Share bike was, but he didn’t back down when the booth body tried to retort.
It started off about Bikes and transformed in to something funderful.
I managed to gain his attention and he stepped across the way over to the JRLA booth, where I am the body. However, it did not go about how I thought it was.
Rewind a few days ago. I’ve been pondering profoundly wondering what’s wrong with people in general about the reaction to Trump’s victory, to dealing with emotional situations, and living life. Somehow, he managed to assuage my concerns.
How did this convivial curmudgeon create an indelible and reassuring notion within myself?
He looked me in the eye, and proceeded to speak in a reassuring tone and broke it down like so…
Millennials are sheep, people are weak, in life fun is all you need, and time is the only thing we should be counting, except while we sleep.
I had goosebumps, I grabbed his hand, pulled him in an embrace and thanked God for this man with the smile on his face. 72 years deep, no fear of death and looking forward to the rest, not stymied by Trump’s win or political shenanigans, all he said was he would have fun until his last breath and that shitty bike engineering is why over 5,000 people a year end up dead. He went on sharing insight, like sometimes you need to lean slightly left to turn completely right, otherwise you’re in for a long night. That listening to experience will save you from dealing with variance and no matter what people think, what people say, or how they treat you, you’re the only one who knows what you’ve been through.
His name is Phillip, I wish he was a King somewhere or at least a teacher, don’t matter where. He was assuredly my source for reassurance, finally to see that I am not going crazy and that people aren’t awakening, to remain on my path of fun fearlessly flaunting frivolous fables, finagling friends, & facing fears frequently. It may appear slightly odd or maybe a little weird, but I’m pretty convinced this is why Phillip was there.
Tonight, November 14, 2016… night of the supermoon phenomenon. I’ve been experiencing an inordinate amount of synchronicity of late. Running in to people from my past in random places, numbers, thoughts coming to fruition, and so much more. On trains, in subways, in ubers, in the streets, all over it seems like.
Taking this information and instances in to consideration, I must exercise my will to create and declare my life intentions and focus to further my innate journey of ascension and rise of power.
I distance myself from spending time with people who no longer propel me. I am no good to them and they are no help to me. They serve as previous versions of who I thought I was or wanted to be. I no longer resonate with that notion. After divulging to Rachel how her promiscuous pattern has created disharmony among her group of friends and sharing the deep, dark, disasters which plague our very beings and in a sense shattering her very world and, though false, foundation of friendship she extended the offer to stay the night. I accepted, not at first, I didn’t want to because I wanted her to want me to, I asked her, but she did the whole “do what you want” routine. Strangely enough I’d had one shoe on & one shoe off. I stayed, she actually said “yayyy” like she was happy I decided to. I felt like this was a redo for the night she crippled my heart as I listened to her with Scott. I felt like this was the final time we’d share a bed, at least for the time being, I felt like I wanted to hold her all night, I felt like it ended. I mentioned to Tony a few days prior there was a reason she & I were still in each others lives. Perhaps, it has been fulfilled.
I quit my binge booze barrage. I need to move forward and I don’t need to reek of alcohol from frivolous interactions.
I disengage my connection and sever any emotional attachments, interactions, memories, hopes, and what if’s with Tina. She, while being the catalyst to my journey or at least the most profound influence, she will no longer gain my energy or have control to hurt me.
I focus my concentration on becoming a better employee, a stronger role model for my siblings etc.., presenting creative constructs and conscious experiences which serve to assuage my infantile issues and build me all the way up.
I constantly accrue more and more knowledge of self in order to assist, assess, and discern the character of those around me so I am able to know whom to keep, whom to help, from whom to learn and who are my guides.
I, Darina Tanya Parker, the Startouched, the light, the love, the inspiration, the brave, the powerful, the magnificent, the brilliant, the creative, the savior, the one, state the above intentions on the night of the supermoon and all of it’s mysticism.
I am. I will always be. Greatness. The best me I can be.
It’s the first of November, 2016. I have spent the last 6 hours or so shirking off my laundry and jerking off to my photos and memories they evoke.
It’s excruciating trying to recall so many wonderful experiences I’ve been gifted. Each photo I rifle through leads to an explosion of times pass. A collection of various indelible moments between life’s educational monuments. Felt like I found an old collection of tests, quizzes and projects that I kept from all the teachings thus far. Lessons, aren’t captured or collected, lessons are revealing and connected.
I liken it to a road trip. The starting point: ask why and what? The destination is the titular place: Pura Vida or Pure, great, joyful life. The turn-by-turn listed are the lessons, because they lead us from decision-to-discernment or moment-by-moment. Your conscious experience of the it serves as the vehicle and knowledge provides the gasoline and as you reach each of the miniature destinations or many destinies. You’re not alone in odyssey, along each route you meet various hitchhikers that serve as guides, guards & guises.
You follow me.
I began my journey the moment I crashed my vehicle. Literally & figuratively. I totaled my car and decimated my very being when I severed the most profound, most exhilarating, most wanted, most haunted, and most painful connection I’d ever had with another human being. I ended my friendship with the only human I ever loved. I tried to stave the depression off by accumulating adequate distractions, but to no avail. The distractions reminded me that I was trying to not be reminded of her. Depressed and sulking on the side of the road watching others ride by, I figured I could go back to where I began, stay where I was, or start walking and teaching myself along the way.
I chose to walk.
The walk was brutal, but generous. Plenty of people would walk with me and sometimes I would get rides from people headed the same direction as myself, even though neither of us knew where we were going until we arrived. As you can only comprehend the path retrospectively, then you’re able to identify the turning points to Pura Vida. Whenever I could help anyone whenever our paths crossed or temporarily converged, I would. Eventually, we’d fade off in our separate directions, never to embark on another path simultaneously. Having provided each other with much needed company & support, indubitably leaving indelible impressions on our individual subconscious.
Those days, much like my exhausted, joyless, morose body, would seemingly drag on and on and on. Especially, since I didn’t know what my next destiny was supposed to be, how long until, and where my mind would be plagued with the misery of wanting to turn around. Sometimes, I did, but when I turned around the path that got me to where I was no longer there. Instead, there was a dark, mysterious, uncertainty lingering mere moments from me. I once attempted to walk into it anyway and as you would expect when you go the wrong way no positive outcome befalls you. The appearance is the same, seemingly, but I was remiss and didn’t pay attention to the stairs leading down and out. I slipped. I stopped. For months I couldn’t run. I could only sit until I gained enough knowledge to heal my catastrophic injury.
Transportation halted. I was left exposed in stillness.
Thoughts I was trying to ignore by running forward captivated and cultivated uncertainty . The thoughts became beliefs. These beliefs snuffed out my light… essentially, the darkness was no longer outside my being and I wasn’t in it. It seeped through my pores, my eyes, my nose, my ears, my mouth, my very being yearned for things to be the way they were before. Before, I ever got in my car and totaled it. Before I ever took that fall and breaking my ankle. Before, I lost my spirit, my will, my independence, my way.
I indulged in the idea of “if you can’t beat’m, join’m!” It was only helpful to the point of providing me with a distraction from my distractions, that were once my distractions from… I don’t even know any longer. I spent so much time covering my insecurities in frivolity I was no longer sure what I feared. Think of it like if you painted a wall every time there was a mar and instead of dealing with it you repeatedly painted over the entire wall. Eventually, the wall loses it’s originality and it’s buried under layers upon layers of paint. After applying an additional layer to deal with my feeling insignificant perpetuity, I was finally able to mobilize independently, but much pain accompanied my quest.
By this point I was so lost and confounded, I didn’t even know where the start of this began. Once again, I had no choice, but endure, ensure, and end. I healed just enough to take 1 step for every 2 steps I was taking before. Suddenly, it became twice the distance and quadruple the effort.
New Journey Same Road.
Lonely, scared, unsure of, disabled, broke (physically and economically) & inundated with perfidious signs leading me in to the amiss abyss. I had one option left. I would learn how to create my own map using what I knew, what I gathered from those I encountered along the way both before & after my injurious induction. I gathered from the ground dropped & forsaken maps, clothes, food, anything left behind or neglected by the others, anything I needed and could carry. The path… it was dark and my light was so low, it provided barely a glow, but forward I had to go.
I promised this time I would concentrate on myself and I did. Everyday, I made a goal to explore what I deplore and abhor about myself. Not easy. Well, that was until I came upon a beautiful crystal blue lake covered in Lilly pads along the way and I stopped to admire the beauty & pristine presentation it provided. There was minuscule signs of vitality, but it looked good on the surface. I figured it would serve as an adequate resting spot. For the first time in my journey I gazed down at my throbbing, aching, feet. They were unrecognizable to me, as one was hanging by a thread and the other was ruggedly toughened from the constant running & fleeing without ever stopping to give them the proper care and consideration. I needed to rest them and rejuvenate. So, I submerged my feet in the pristine seemingly immaculate surface of the lake, only to reveal a murky, disgusting, plaque colored something nightmarish. It was then, as I nearly vomited from the putrid emanation from Lilly Lake, I’d realized something agonizingly pertinent. How could I have known about this poisoned lake if I didn’t go beneath the surface and BOOM!! All this time I thought the answer was to go “forwards”, but the direction I was truly needing to go was… “four words”. Four words which would get me right on my path…
I Must Dive Deeper….
I thought I was healing myself, but I was concealing myself. I thought I was making progress, but I was neglecting progress. I was stagnant, not getting better & and worse not getting worse and you can’t get better if you’re not willing to acknowledge your hurt. All this time I used the reflection as a tool, only judging by the surface. Used shallow encounters to validate and justify, but no matter how many I collected they never sufficed. That entire year of dissolution I spent not one minute delving beneath my sensitive skin and ignorant mind. It wasn’t my path that was shrouded and bounded by the darkness, it was me. In order to continue on the road trip to Pura Vida. I had to go all the way down and then I would have to climb all the way up… on other side.
I realized, my downfall, descent into debauchery was the last time I used my strength. When I made the decision to go backwards and live in frivolity, I’d checked all my necessary attributes at the door. It was the cost of going back, losing all that which you had collected along the way, but once you give it up you’re unaware of the fact you have. I sat at the edge of Lilly Lake, soaking in my failure. Cleansing my soul with the tears spilling down my face purifying the tainted waters beneath. I was determined & focused. I had to go down. My strength was down there. I had been ignoring, burying, and forsaking my fortitude in effort to placate other attitudes I encountered. It was that moment, sitting with my feet in the murky ripples of garrulous gunk a partial portion of my map manifested and a pair of goggles with it. The map was blank, I discerned that I probably should put them on to protect me from the pond scum festering below. When I attempted to put the goggles on, I was plunged into the viscous mucous of Lilly Pond. Completely, unprepared and agitated. I quickly affixed the goggles over my eyes and not only did they protect my from the pepper spray burning seeping from the pond’s contents, but I was able to finally see the void. And I what I saw next ensured me I’d never be the same.
I was no longer in water, but I was still underneath the surface. I didn’t recognize where I was, there was not enough adequate exposure to fully comprehend what or where, but wherever I was seemed familiar. Like, I’d been there before. I was getting agitated and irritated with the cheesiness of this. I wandered aimlessly, encountering a long stretch of nothing, I soon happened upon a window.