My friends and I are too much. Just the right amount of too much though.
If these words weren’t words, they could easily be the name of a black girl
— Challenge (Shuh-lunj-jay)
Teacher: Is there a Challenge Jones here?
Challenge: Umm, excuse me it’s pronounced Shuh-lunj-jay
Parent: I know you is not tryin’ to sneak out this house Antiquity!
My name is Tenacity Patrice Jones Watkins and I do not answer to no man!
Announcer: Next in our female circuit is Ms. Whimsy Jackson, daughter of Tyrell Darnell Jackson.
Manager: I’m sorry Napkins but we cannot give you a raise because your nails, and I quote, “need to done be did and on fleek errday”
Mother: Panorama if you do not get up them stairs and change them clothes you won’t see yo’ cell phone for a week!
Cousin: Prowess! Bring yo’self back here before I tell yo daddy where you ACTUALLY was on Friday night!
Oh (clap) you (clap) did (clap) not (clap) just (clap) dis (clap) respect (clap) me! I (am) Consistency Alexis Mercedes Jones and that is not how I roll!
Friend: Oh hellllll nawwwww Aureola! Girl you better get on with yo bad self! I see you!
— Kerosene (Kuh-raw-senay)
Teacher: Is there a… umm Kerosene present?
Kerosene: Excuse me? It’s Kuh-raw-senay, thank you!
Student: Insomnia! Girl, do you ever sleep? Damn.
— Day (Dee-aye)
Nurse: Is there a Day Jenkins here?
Day- It’s pronounce Dee-ay and I’m right here all up in yo’ face
Boyfriend: Baby, you know I love you Tawdry. None them other thots mean nothin’ you my only boo
My name is Barette James and I don’t play no games! Okay!
Receptionist: Opulence, girl I’m gonna need you to fill these papers out so we can get you that child support, that man ain’t spending’ his money on nobody but you and that baby.
Judge Judy: Now, Blessing, I know your name, but I don’t know your game
Friend: Chlorine, girl you better watch out who you is datin’ sleep with a dog you wake up with shit in the bed
Aunt: Facilities don’t make me get yo’ uncle over here, we ain’t afraid to spank you. Now, put them pants on your grandmother gave you! Out here lookin’ like a hoochi!
— Omniscience (Umm-nee-shay-cee)
Teacher: … uhh… Omniscience? Is there an Omniscience here?
Omniscience: It is pronounced Umm-nee-shay-cee, thank you! Or Shay for short.
Uncle: You trying to do too much, Sorcery, wait until yo’ auntie find out what you is out here doin!
Father: Malaria, you is makin me sick girl! Now get back in this house!
Sister: How come you is always stealing my clothes Emotion!
Maury: The results are in and Randell is not the father of your baby Camouflage!
Brother: Yo, Marinara! Stop datin’ my homies tho!
— Blonde (Bee-lon-day)
Blonde: Do I look like a Blonde to you? The name is Bee-lon-day, okay! Get it right!
Oh she think she can just take my man and get away with it? Then she never met Ribbon Randalls and after today she will never forget!
Mom: Rotisserie, girl! Get yo self back downstairs and eat this dinner. I didn’t spend all my time and all yo daddy money so you could look at it!
— Attire (Atuhree)
Teacher: …. -_- … Attire
Attire: I though you was a teacher, but you can’t read? The name is At-tuh-ree
Teacher: *gulp* Entendre….??
Manager: Dysplasia, you can’t keep taking sick days because your and I quote “weave ain’t actin right”
Friend: Is Hallucinate ready to go? That girl be thinkin she got all the time in the world and I’m like a sister tryin to get to the club before 11 o’clock and that entry fee kick in
Cousin: You so stupid Sciatica, that’s why you be buyin them knockoff Coogi pants, that Coochi brand
— Crochet (Crow-shay)
Crochet: Yeah, but why you gotta say it with attitude?
Girl: Divinity you is the worse ouctchea!
Husband: Now Almond you already know that one ain’t my son!
Girl: You know Camera be out here thinking she all that and she ain’t nothin’ but a hot mess!
Friend: ohhhhh child, you done messed up now Moment! You better get that weave out before it get teared out!
Grandma- Fallacy, girl you know your momma ain’t raise you like that
Neighbor: Here go them shoes you was asking about, don’t let Edema be wearin’ though… her feet is big.
Auntie: Rotisserie, you betta shut yo mouth before I shut it for you!
Girl: Ohhhh you done messed up!! Now Soliloquy!!! Whooooo!! Child!!! I’m bout to beat yo weave-wearin, make up needin, teeth needin, tow-up from the flow-up ass!! Hold m nails Hypochondria! This bitch bout to be finished!
Teacher: Vedetta Darnell? Is there a Vendetta here?
Vendetta: Do I look missin’?